a playful epistle with somewhat murderous undertones
Dear 2D Design professor-
As was exemplified by today’s class, I am now quite aware that you like to keep up with the news on a regular basis; I suppose it wouldn’t be too out of line for you to expect commendation for this, and so I’ll calmly assent. You’ve been a good little New England liberal, Jane- have a cookie!
Now, I’m sure anyone would feel a sense of pride being as informed as you are, but I’m going to have to question your choice to use your topical knowledge as a weapon which which you can reign mercilessly over your cowering students. You see, and I’m sure this will come as a surprise to you as I myself am nothing more than a mere student, but I too enjoy keeping up with the news just as you do! Surprise, surprise. The fact that you seem to have created a hierarchical pyramid of news stories placing issues of personal relevance to you over those of personal relevance to us, your class, is not my problem nor is it an excuse for you to paint us all as a gaggle of ignorant youths. I’m quite aware that the Terri Schiavo case is a relevant one, Jane, but I think I’m allowed to disagree with you when you label it as “the major court case of your lifetimes” and I wish you wouldn’t dismiss my concerns for post-Apartheid South Africa or Zimbabwe’s presidency or the fact that the new Pope is severely against GLBTQ & feminist issues... My instinctual focus on the World and Science sections of newspapers is no reason to be “disappointed” in me and my peers for failing on your frightfully specific pop quiz. Of course there are college students out there who don’t give a Whark’s ass about the world at large, but that’s no reason for you to treat us as being ignorant until proven otherwise. I’ve never operated in a personal bubble, so stop acting as if I never do any research into the global context and relevance of my work.
I have no problem writing the five-page “punishment” essay you assigned, though I’ll make sure it’s a good 20 pages at the least just to give you a hard time. And a suggestion- don’t complain about working three jobs and ramble on about how “we don’t know what it’s like out in the real world” when you just spent fifteen minutes taking about how you fell out of a hammock over the weekend. After you went skiing with your brother.
Bitch, please. With love,